A hands-free shower, please

I like to read reviews on hotels, or to listen to people's opinions about hotels that they have stayed in. It is always interesting to see what people find as the ultimate requirement to make the hotel that they are staying in acceptable or not. I was once a bit annoyed with a British tourist complaining about the softness of his eggs, while two weeks before that I was told by the chef in another hotel that he did not have matches to make me an omelette. Then you ask yourself if some people are just more finicky than others, or if am I getting used to sleeping in far below standard hotels. Whatever the answer may be, if there is one thing that I usually check out first when I enter my room, then it is the bathroom. I don't sit with my naked bum in any hotel bath in Africa, and I don't use those crouching Muslim toilets. This is fortunatley not that common in most countries, but finding a proper shower usually is not either. Most of the hotels in West Africa have the shower inside the bath, with a moulded stained shower curtain that has no purpose other than to stick to your body once you have decided you are clean enough to get out. I will still accept the bath-shower with the sticky shower curtain, but on thing that really pisses me off is when the shower head is one of those handheld types with a broken bracket that cannot keep it up against the wall. This means that you cannot shower using both hands, you have to hold the head in one hand trying to soap up with the other, or have one hand to wash your hair and one hand to close the lid. Try clinging the shower head between your legs and soon you have the whole floor under water. Last night I slept in a room with one of these unfunctional shower brackets, and this morning I thought to myself that if I want to stay friendly today, then I need to solve the problem. I had to give up my face cloth, but at least I had both hands free to enjoy my shower....

Squash balls and other tips

A friend recently requested that I do a post on squash..and particulary on tips. He hopes that I might reveal a secret or two in order for him to beat me once in a while. So just to keep my fan(s) happy I have decided to do a short post on one particular squash tip that might mean more to him than meets the eye.

One thing I really regret very much is that I never did National Service like most of my buddy's did many years ago. This is not because of my patriotism or my hidden desire to blow up people from the back of a ZT-3, but I really think it would've given me much more courage to shower more comfortably between my fellow country men. You see in the army you don't only eat together and fight together, sometimes you also have to shower together. Fortunately there wasn't much time to discuss the size of your rifle on such occations. So what does this have to do with squash?

If there is one topic that gets raised in squash quite frequently then it is your equipment. Squash players always talk about the best racquet, the latest squash shoes...even the balls. When balls become the topic of conversation it was usually started like this:

Player 1: "Do you want a game?"

Player 2: "Yes, do you have a ball"?

Player 1: " Yeah, I have TWO in fact" (followed by a smile)

You will never hear a conversation like that in the ladies league. Thanks heaven squash wasn't played with two or more balls like snooker or pool, the connection would've been just so much easier to make. But for some reason men have the ability to steer any conversation in that direction. And never expose yourself further by extending the question with... "a ball to PLAY with". This could turn even uglier.

So getting back to the shower scene. It is very difficult for men to feel unintimidated in communial showers, never mind the size of your racquet. You can never face a another guy directly, that is just too personal. But you never dare turn your back on him either. So you shower sideways slightly facing away from each other...but always watching your back. It is very common for opponents to have a shower after the game, having conversations about the game and paricularly analyzing your recent performance on the court. In a shower you can blame your performance on everything like your dwindling fitness level, the sweat in your eyes, even the stress at work. But you NEVER blame it on the ball. Because you see, when talking about balls in a shower your are skating on thin ice. There is always the possibility that your or your opponent's thoughts and eyes might follow the direction of the conversation. Even the size of your grip is a taboo. So here's the tip my friend. When showering after a squash game, always watch your opponent straight in the eyes and never talk about balls...ANY balls.