The Braai

My wife is away for the weekend leaving me to be a semi-batchelor again. Ok, I know it can be fun, but what does a man do when he gets hungry and "the chef" is not around? First of all he appreciates her again, but that does not feed the stomach. If he is not a fan of greasy take-aways then there is only one thing left...the BRAAI. So this is exactly what I did after realizing that the noises in my stomach were actually a distress call for food. Doing a braai can be very easy if kept simple. Not the way most women want to do it with salads and other unecessary side dishes. If eaten directly from the fire like it is supposed to be done, you also cut out the washing up of dirty dishes afterwards. Exactly what any semi-batchelor wants to avoid. So here is what you need:

1) A fire. It can be any fire, preferably made with wood, but when in a hurry or your wood is wet like mine was today then charcoal will do. NO gas please, real men don't braai on gas!

2) Meat. Anything from rumb steak to T-bone steak to lamb chops. It has to be meat that came directly from a real animal, NOT something that has been processed like beef patties and other shit. Wors (lamb or beef sausage) will do. Salt according to taste.

3) Beer. Preferably a South African brand.

4) Friends...if you are not making most of your "me-time" like I am doing this weekend.

Once you have the fire going the the good part starts. Putting the meat on and making sure it doesn't burn. Especially if there is some fat around. Pouring beer on the fire if it flares up not only stops it from doing so, but also add some taste to the meat. Just don't waste all your beer on extinguishing flames. Use water instead. The best way to eat is directly from the fire. Again, some women like doing the thing around the table with fancy knifes and works.  NEVER keep meat warmed up in the oven until all your guests have taken their seats. The meat does not taste the same once it has passed through an oven. From the grill, to a plate, to your mouth. You are allowed to skip the plate, and you are allowed to eat with your hands. You can even turn the meat with your hands if you want to, but then you should not complain about blisters the next day.

The whole exercise above took me about 30 minutes to complete...and I promise you I had the beast meal a man could ask for.Despite the fact that many have different preferences when it comes to braaiing, all South Africans will tell you that there is absolutely NOTHING smelling as nice as your neigbours braai. And this is a smell very difficult to avoid over weekends. The only way you can solve the addictive affect of your neighbour's braai is if you light your own fire and get your own meat on the grid.

(Ok, for the uninformed that still might wonder what the word "braai" means, you can actually find the meaning of the word in Wikipedia. In short...it is what people in South Africa do best when it comes to socializing, feeding their stomachs and celebrating any occasion, even when there favourire rugby team has lost the game. In other countries it is called the barbeque. But the braai is different, you NEVER call it a barbeque here, you' might get stoned. )